More Than a Traumatic Birth
By Danell Swim
February 10, 2008
Childbirth is regarded as the most painful episode of a woman’s life, but also the most joyful. When women speak of a traumatic birth experience, most assume it to be an extremely painful event, or that something necessitated an emergency situation. For some, that is all the traumatic event is; 12 hours of tortuous labor with a supportive person by their side. Or a drop in the baby’s heart rate that sends everyone scrambling to get him out before he’s harmed. But for some, the traumatic event goes much deeper.
Sometimes women are held down while pleading to be let go; having vaginal exams forced on them; and their waters broken without giving consent. Some women call this Birth Rape, because it can be such a violent act that centers on their genitals, without their permission. The term is shocking, and upon hearing the stories of these women who have been assaulted, it is accurate.
We know from psychologists that most rapists do it not for sexual gratification, but for power. It may be the same for these care providers, who are so unfit to be working with vulnerable, emotional, feeling human beings.
EK in CT told me of her painful experience:
My doctor told me that I he had to check my cervix, but he was in a hurry and “couldn’t wait” for my contraction to end. I was on Pitocin and the contractions just went on and on. So he forced his hand inside me after I screamed for him to stop, without using any lubrication. He told me “you’re only dilated to 5cm, don’t be such a baby” and left the room.
Unlike a painful childbirth, or a situation where there is a medical emergency, these Birth Rapes are perpetrated by an individual, or several individuals. It is not medically necessary, and yet the act is horrific, and leaves emotional and sometimes physical scars.
Pam recounts the traumatic cesarean birth that still haunts her:
Seven years ago I was scared into an induction. I was held down and told I had to let the doctor break my water. I was told it was my fault my cervix was swelling. I was butchered open, 9″ wide, and left with a gaping wound. I suffered complications and had additional surgeries. It scared me forever. A scar that extends deep within my soul. I had terrible PPD and PTSD. The flashbacks were consuming and wrecked my family’s life.
Like rape victims, women who are victimized during birth are made to feel responsible for the act itself. They are told that it has to be this way, or that their baby will die if it isn’t done this way. Sometimes, they aren’t even given the opportunity to say no, as they are (like Pam) held down against their will. Later, they are told that they were bad, and it had to be done. Coercion is a tactic that many assailants use.
The result of these experiences can be life-long. These traumatic birthing experiences bring about more cases of post-partum depression (PPD), and sometimes even post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Some women choose to not have more children, while others just live with the lie and pretend that everything is fine.
LC says:
The birth rape at the end of my second pregnancy is still always on my mind and the post traumatic stress still remains. Sure, I go throughout my day, functioning, smiling, but in my head I’m a mess. Everyone thinks I’m fine because I look fine and I got my healthy baby and I’m alive.
Some women refuse to see healthcare workers again, neglecting their own health and that of their children.
AM wrote to me about her post-partum period:
For 2 years after my son was born, I refused to take him to the doctor, or go to one myself. Even driving by the doctor’s office where I knew my old doctor worked was enough to make me sick. I identified with women who turned away from medicine for holistic treatment, but it wasn’t because I believed in it, it was because I wanted to believe in it. Because I was too scared to do anything else.
The treatment these women received was enough to make them suffer to their very core, and do irreparable damage to their psyche. And yet the doctors who committed the act still practice, and the cycle continues.
Upon graduating from medical school, young doctors take an oath to protect their patients, and treat them with respect. In order to practice in this country, they are pledged to gain informed consent from their patients before providing treatment. Despite these oaths, they are causing such harm to women who deserve their utmost admiration and kindness.
This is why women choose to call it Birth Rape. Yes, it is used to shock. It is used to bring attention to something that is so significant, and yet never talked about.
It is Birth Rape, and it happens every day.
Comments
55 Responses to “More Than a Traumatic Birth”
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The term ‘rape’ seems a little much to me. I think it’s the wrong term, particularly since it’s so loaded. Seems heavy handed and purposely designed to cause a violent reaction. I think the word alone distracts people from the issue. I think MORE drama isn’t needed in this case.
Can we stick to ‘trauma’ or come up with another term that isn’t so volatile?
I get the Rape thing as being intense. But what else do we use? “Birth trauma” sounds like the baby hit its head on the way out. “Maternal abuse” or “labor assault”? Birth rape is as fitting as those.
On the contrary, I think birthrape is absolutely the most accurate term. The assailant does not have to be satisfying his lust, ie using his penis or even in possession of a penis, to commit rape. Rape is about violating the sexual autonomy of the victim and asserting one’s power over him/her. I can’t see how birthrape can be considered anything else. It’s all about power, violence, and force.
I experienced a birthrape. I was held down by a doctor who put his fingers and a metal amniohook inside of me while I shouted for him to stop. If this had happened it a dark alley, no one would question that it was rape. But because it happened in a hospital room and my assailant wore a white coat instead of a ski mask, it is supposed to just be okay. Rape is rape, regardless of the setting.
NWDad, just guessing by your name here that you’re a male. . . it’s hard for me to be told by a male who’s never been through childbirth what the ‘care’ received during birth feels like.
A rape is a sexual act against someone’s will- how is forcefully touching someone else’s genitals without or against their consent not rape just because it happens during labor? If anything, I think that it should hold considerable weight that this is being done to women in an already emotionally heightened, sensitve, and often painful time as it is.
Deal with the PTSD and PPD from such an experience for over 2 1/2 years straight, all while trying to parent and function (and even become pregnant again and face the possibility of things ending up the same, regardless of changes made), and then you can tell me if ‘rape’ is a little too dramatic or not.
Thank you for this article. I hope it brings attention to a very important and very overlooked issue in birth. I would also like to add the crime of assult and genital mutilation for women who recieved episiotomies against their will. I hope that this article will enpower more women to carefully consider the caregivers they choose during pregnancy. Thank you again!
Thank you for writing this. This is a reality that many women live with and should not be overlooked. When doctors say things like, “If you just would have listened to me I wouldn’t have had to hurt you.” after cutting a stage 4 episiotomy, everyone needs to know about it.
I was birth raped during my first birth. I was held down, while a doctor I did not know and I had never met proceeded to put an internal fetal monitor in my daughters head and a pressure monitor in my womb. He also pushed me down onto the table as I tried to push my daughter out and I almost fell onto the floor. I later went on to have an empowered birth with my son at home. Unfortunately my son has heart defects and I am now to high risk for homebirth so I have chosen to not have any more children. I have been raped and prosecuted my rapist so having been through a “normal” rape and a birth rape I can say they really were the same. The only difference is that everyday I look at my beautiful daughter and it flashes back. Doctors need to learn to respect women.
I was birth-raped. I was repeatedly examined vaginally, even when I told them NO, even when I said, “it hurts” even when I said “it burns” and they told me No you can’t feel that, it doesn’t burn, you don’t have nerve endings that far up. The doctor used an amniohook to break my waters without my knowledge or consent. They pushed me on my back when I was trying to get up to push, and forced my legs back to put me in a VERY vulnerable position (flat on back, knees to ears, doctor between my legs - reeked of sexual assault to me). My legs were cramping they were pushing and holding me down so hard, I was screaming for them to let me go, they just yelled over me to PUSH PUSH PUSH or counting loudly over me. Then when my son was born, they clamped and cut his cord, administered pitocin (again WITHOUT MY CONSENT, i had already stated NO PITOCIN during labor, I DID NOT CONSENT to the use of pitocin AT ALL). And he began PULLING MY PLACENTA within minutes of my son’s birth, I Screamed at him WHAT ARE YOU DOING STOP, I COULD HEMORAGE, he said no I gave you pitocin. And continued to pull until it was out. Then stitched up a tiny tiny tear, and gave me a Husband’s stitch without telling me, and acted proud of himself when he told my partner “She only needed 3 stitches, but I gave her 4″.
YES I was raped.
I have had another rape, and this was exactly the same - being told my feelings didn’t matter, being told to be quiet, being told to calm down, being told they were doing it whether i liked it or not, having things done to me that I did not know about or approve.
It happens EVERY SINGLE DAY over and over again.
We should NOT have to “leave our dignity at the door” just because we are in labor!!!! We are still autonomous, thinking, feeling, emotional human beings. We should not be treated like “stupid little women” and be slapped around like this.
And to hear from a man, that the term “Birth rape” is too strong… well, sorry, you’re wrong.
I just wanted to say that I thought prior to reading this that birthrape was also extreme…but it isn’t!!! I think you women are brave and wonderful for sharing your stories. I had birth trauma (because I feel I was coerced into a c-section after 25 hours of labor, and was TERRIFIED)…but not birthrape. It was and still is horribel for me to think about sometimes…but not like this! I’m so sorry that you all went through this!
Thanks for the article.
Birth Rape is not too extreme a word in the least. I literally had 2 nurses putting full body weight on my legs to hold them apart while another one shoved a hand up inside of me, all the while I was screaming NOOOOOOOOOOO!!! I had transferred in from a home birth and they were punishing me.
This is rape…pure and simple.
Last night my dear son was 11 months. I love him with all my soul. I am awake right now, at 2:30 am the next day, because I do not want to go to bed to be haunted by the rape I suffered during his birth. It was rape. No other word fits better, no other word expresses so completely all the characteristics it had. I was so naive to believe the hospital personnel would respect my written birth plan. Instead, they inflicted upon me every single thing I had written “I do not consent to…”. They punished me for wanting a natural, drug free birth for my son. They punisehd me for not being “the nice little patient”. One midwife broke my water against my express will. Midwives and doctors did rude vaginal examinations repeteadly, while I was contracting and yelling “No! Please, I have a contraction, please wait a minute!”. They did not wait and did not even give an answer. They pressed me into drugs playing the “if you want your baby to be fine” card.. liars! They held me down by force to pull my baby with forceps (when I could already see the upper part of his head), without telling or explaining anything to me. At the secont trial my baby’s heart rate went down for some seconds and they wheeled me to the operation room, while I asked what the hell was happening and nobody answered. I could hear and see on the monitor my baby’s heartrate was fine again. But they were tired already and wanted to go home on time for a nice dinner. They should give a lesson to the stupid woman who had the insolence of asking “why” and “what for” about their accustomed procedures. Therefore, they applied the easiest, fastest solution (for them).. they strapped me to the operation table and cut me open while still feeling and then applied so much drugs that I did not wake up to know my son until 6 hours later. Oh, but they reafirmed their power, they did it. RAPE: Violent act commited on the genitalia and against the will of the victim. Most rapist do it not for sexual gratification, but for power. It is not neccesary to use or have a penis to be a rapist.
Yes, they often like to punish homebirth transfers, or even women who plan hospital births but want a natural birth and ask questions. . . So what do you do? Just sit back and let them do whatever they want to you and your baby even though you know it’s dangerous, but you just don’t want to be punished any further for being a ‘problem patient’? It doesn’t seem to matter. If you’re in the hospital, you’re at the mercy of the nurses and doctors there. You can fight and say ‘I do not consent;’ you can be polite and still ask questions and ‘ask permission’ to be involved. . . it doesn’t matter, it seems like they’ll do whatever they want to you anyways. Then what recourse do you have? None. What’s done is done, and you live with it forever. . .
Very rarely does a normal birth actually occur in a hospital. . . and even in most of those, it’s b/c the birth went too quickly for them to screw it up. But, since none of us really know how quickly our births are going to go, it really is a coin-flip, just hoping and praying things go quick enough before they have enough time to cut you and slip drugs and hands into you, or coerce you into thinking you ‘need’ a cesarean.
This is a great article. Thank you for bringing some much-needed attention to the birth rape crisis that happens more than anyone would like to think. . . it’s disgusting, and also why I chose to stay put at home with #3.
Thank you so much for putting this article together. I do not think birth rape is an extreme term. I experienced that and real molestation in my lifetime. The feelings of violation feel the same to me. I very clearly know I experienced a birth rape.
This is something that should be unacceptable during such a beautiful time in a woman’s life. This is why I became a doula to help advocate for women, educate them prenatally to true informed consent. Thank you again and again because this sort of information should be available to everyone.
I guess the only reason I might object to the term birth rape would be the connotation it puts on the healthcare providers. While the patient probably feels this way, I highly doubt that the doctors or nurses intended the kind of harm that is clearly intended during a rape.
I completely believe in birth trauma. I had a BAD one. More of the emergency variety. So as not to take up too much space in the comment section I will include a link that tells the whole story.
http://beautifulinmyeyes.net/background-stories/my-pregnancy-with-aidan
Having suffered from PTSD myself (not surprising given that my son and I almost died and we spent weeks wondering if he would live due to his extreme prematurity), I understand how these feelings don’t go away.
I really don’t want to treat this flippantly because I believe these women have been traumatized. But perhaps it is time to seek good professional help in dealing with PTSD (I did) and also to try to be mindful that you do have a healthy baby/child. Trust me…as someone who nearly lost her child…the trauma can be put behind you.
Warmly,
Lori
I had an almost identical experience to Dee. Except the nurse who was “checking” me was disappointed I hadn’t torn in my birth, so she decided to rip my vagina for me, then laugh and tell me now I would HAVE to have stitches before I would be allowed to see my baby.
I have been through a “normal” rape, and a birthrape. Of the two, the birthrape was far more vicious and scarred me far worse, physically, emotionally, mentally (I still struggle daily with PTSD).
I would love to have another child, but unless I could be guaranteed this wouldn’t happen to me again, I cannot.
I don’t care what the healthcare providers think or how it makes them look. I had a 13 week premature baby by an emergency c-sec. The doctor didn’t monitor me and if I didn’t tell my husband something was wrong they would of never even checked me. The doctor shoved her hand up inside me and tried to push my baby who was coming out frank breech at 5 1/2 cm dia. back in and ruptued my placenta from my uterus and then rush me to surgery. Didn’t tell me or my husband I was getting sectioned. Almost killed my son and myself during the procedure. NOT PROFESSIONAL AT ALL. In my medical records it said that when I started labor I consented for a section…. total lie. This is not a violation of my rights? You bet it is. For all the woman who feel this way there is legal help, check out VBAC sites. If your desenitized yu need to get out of the job.
I was also birth raped I am only 16 but I decided to go for an all natural birth and give my son the best. During a contraction a nurse told me to get on my back so she could see how far dialated I was I said no. It hurt to much one of the nurses hands where really bony the other really big. They decided to do it anyways I begged them to stop screaming “NO!” “I said noo!” and “Please stop” but they didn’t and they yelled at me saying “it would just be easier if you got on your back.
Thank you to Lori for pointing out that a woman can experience a birth trauma without experiencing a birthrape.
It is quite possible to have a traumatic birth in its own right and come out of it with a high regard and respect for medical practitioners.
It is quite possible to have a tremendously difficult time dealing with your birth emotionally, yet not have been disrespected or assaulted.
It is quite possible to have a bad experience that was unavoidable, and had the medical practitioners be supportive of you through it and help you.
But that’s not what this article is about, is it?
Thanks for your thoughtful response Peg.
I think what I was trying to get at is that it is possible with the right therapy to move beyond such scarring experiences.
By the way, if you were inferring that my experience was somehow less traumatic, I politely disagree. I think it is hard to compare somebody else’s trauma to another’s. Since you did not experience what I did and I did not experience what you did, I think it is fair to say that there is not any valid way to say which of us went through more pain than the other. We dealt with different experiences, both traumatic, related to a birth trauma.
I was not trying to stir up trouble, but rather to show that an extremely traumatic experience (in my case my near death and my son’s near death) can be worked through and it is possible to heal.
To Lori
I am in no way trying to discount your trauma, merely noting- with my greatest sympathies, by the way- that the nightmarish birth you experienced sounds to have been unavoidable, and handled as well as possible by the professionals at your side. I did read your journal, and that seems to be how it came across.
The main difference as I see it, is not in any claims of more or less trauma, but in an inherent different-ness. You had a truly traumatic pregnancy and birth, I had a birth that should not have had any trauma involved but it was added unnecessarily. Mine was traumatic in a different way- less in the life/death classic trauma way, more in the violated/raped way.
I am seeing a therapist for help with my PTSD and healing, and have been for a year. She has said repeatedly that if the birthrape had been inevitable it would be easier at least theoretically, to heal. Because the first step is to recognize that it couldn’t be helped and accept it, then use it to grow as a person. That cannot be my first step, because what was done to me and my son was completely unnecessary. So for me to heal, I have to look for ways to prevent myself and my children from being harmed again/more, and try to find ways to change the system or empower other women to protect themselves and their children. Because to merely “accept” it, would mean accepting that everything that was humiliating and violating and scarring about my birth and many other women’s births like mine- was neutral, and that anything other than strictly physical health- actually, make that aliveness because we were robbed of our physical health as well- but that anything other than coming out of it alive is expecting too much.
Having had a romantic, intimate, pleasurable, private, sexual birth prior to my birthrape- I cannot accept that. So to heal, I must try to enact change.
PTSD is only the beginning.
(my apologies for rambling, I got off topic on what was actually addressed as a response)
Congratulations to you Peg for seeking help. Many people that experience a birth trauma do not do so.
Unfortunately my first step was delayed for quite some time as I had a lot of inappropriate guilt over my body’s “inability” to sustain a normal pregnancy. We were then mired in 15 weeks of an NICU stay for my son, 7 of which he was on a ventilator. For the first couple of weeks it was not clear he would even live. I spent the next 2 years worried about the health of his lungs and whether or not he would hit developmental milestones and what his future was going to look like. A significant number of premature babies have lasting serious impacts from being early. It is only recently as I have watched my son get past the worries and become a rambunctious toddler that I have allowed myself to recognize that what happened was unavoidable.
This was indeed a first step on the path to healing. Having your own body betray you in such a big way is devastating. I am finally arriving at a place where I am starting to feel peace. I am realizing that I am at a point (not saying you are there yet) where I need to decide if I am going to focus my energies on the past trauma or on what I have in front of me. A beautiful 2 year old boy who really doesn’t care how he got here but knows he loves his mom.
I hope that for you. As I have gone down this path of healing, I have realized it is important to do the work and get it behind me. Not that I will ever forget it….as I’m sure you won’t. But I had a friend share an old Cherokee proverb with me when I shared what I have been working on in counseling. I would like to share it with you and I hope you take it in the spirit intended. Good luck.
“Don’t let yesterday use up too much of today.”
Hello ladies. I am a 24 yr. old mother of 1. My second is due in twelve days. I got on the net today to vent specifically about birthrape. I experienced it with my first, and now with my second who isn’t even here yet. Let me elaborate a bit…
I was a couple of months from my 21st birthday when I went into labor with my 3 year old son, Kemper. After about 6 hours of labor at home, I was convinced it was true labor and reported to labor and delivery at the local hospital as planned. Silly me, you don’t go in so early if there is nothing to worry about and you have had a perfectly normal pregnancy, but then again, I didn’t know any better. So there I was. My cork was still in tack, my waters were safely in place, my contractions were mild and regular, until… this nurse comes in, straps me to a bed, IV, and fetal monitor, and proceeds to examine me with 1 inch false nails. When she broke my water, I told her so then and there. She knew better though. I was only feeling the KY and confusing it with amniotic fluid. I didn’t know because I was a first time laboring mother and she was a professional nurse. Whatever. So, my plug falls out, my contractions become irregular and weaken, and labor all but stops. No one would regard my wishes to check and make sure my waters were broke. They were convinced that they new better than I. So, the next morning, over 12 hrs later, I was discharged and told I could be in this false stage of labor for weeks before the real thing hit. 32 hours into labor, I reported back to the hospital where I was once again strapped to a monitor, IV-ed, and physically violated. I told the doctor that my waters were already broken, but she insisted on gouging my son in the head with not one, but two hooks before she gave up and sait PUSH. As soon as I was laid on my back, my contractions all but stopped once again. They administered pitocin and the idiot nurse never hooked it to my IV. We waited for 30 min. through weak contractions, and the hormones never kicked in. Then, the nurse looks down and laughs, “Silly me, I forgot to hook it to her IV.” The pitocin was puddling on the floor!!Next, the doc shoves both of her hands halfway to the elbow inside of me to stretch my cervix. I was fully dialated, but not fully efaced. Can you say ripping and screaming?!?! Then her cell phone rings. She instructs the nurse to dig it out of her pocket and hold it up to her ear so she can talk for 5 min. to her husband about NOTHING URGENT! Finally I am tired, I am going on 36 hours of no food or sleep and constant alarms. “This isn’t right!” My son is delivered via vacuum. Thank God, she let me rip on my own. Tiny tears, minimal pain. My newborn’s soft spot was covered in deep scraped and knicks and purple with bruising from the futile attempts at breaking my already broken waters. I had no pain meds. I hadn’t wanted any until she decided to rip my cervix wide open, but it was too late. I was so upset and my body was so stressed that the local she used before stitching me up didn’t even work. I felt every single stitch. The only things that I had the way I wanted with regards to my birth plan were no episiotomy, no wheelchair, and my baby stayed in the room with me. The only thing I stressed about the entire time I was pregnant with him, was wether he would be sick or ugly. With this new on due any day now, I have stressed about only one thing this entire pregnancy, how badly am I going to be violated this time? I am honestly more worried about the abuse and violation than I am about my newborn!? —Courtney Thomas —Tennessee
But wait, I mentioned that I have already experienced violation with this pregnancy, and I haven’t even delivered yet. I had to change docs b/c my usual moved to Minnesota or Michigan, so I searched. There are only 3 available in my area, one with a Texas Chainsaw Massacre reputation, one I tried last time and hated, and one I have heard little of. I went with the one I have heard little of. (what I did hear was good though) I am not so sure now. I have only been 4 times. Once a week for the past four weeks. I am not due til the 29th of this month. My first son was a week overdue. I had a healthy, uncomplicated pregnancy. The labor and delivery was nearly murder, but I got past that the best I could. Until I go in to see the doc last Friday for a routine visit. Measurements, weight, bloodpressure, urine, fetal heart rate, and an examination to see if I had dilated any further. While he was in there, he said immediately that I was dilated 2 cm, but he didn’t pull his hand out. He began twisting his hand back and forth, and this horrible pain hit me. It was all I could do not to break my 3 yr old son’s hand off. (he came to help mommy at the doctor’s office. I try and include him in every aspect of the pregnancy, plus he gets to help the doc find the baby’s heart beat) Now the doc announces that he is doing something called ’stripping the membranes. It should cause some contractions.’ But I am not due for 2 weeks and I am progressing fine. There are no concerns for the health of my child or me?!?! NO concerns at all. So I go home in excruciating pain. I am tired and worn down. I had only been awake for 3 hours. I knew something I didn’t approve of or require for my pregnancy had just occurred. Come to find out, he separated my placenta from the uterus to induce labor. WTF!!?? Why? Here it is four days later, not to mention my docs appt was at 8 am, so 5 days later, and not one darn contraction, and I am in pain. It hurts deep and low in my pelvis. My baby is active and less settled than he has been in weeks. It hurts to walk, bend over, have a bowel movement… Everything requiring movement hurts now. My baby hurts me when he moves. And now I am too scared that the doc messed something up, I have to go back this week!! And he said there would be some mild discomfort that would last no more than a day! What a quack! –Courtney Thomas– –Tennessee–
Courtney: I’m so incredibly sorry you have been assaulted like this. Stripping of membranes, especially when they’re not ready, is one of the most violent things. I see you’re in Tennessee, if you’re near The Farm, you might see if one of the midwives would be willing to check you out and make sure you’re ok if you’re not comfortable going back to the man who assaulted you (which I certainly wouldn’t be.)
Lori: You said, “Having your own body betray you in such a big way is devastating.” This is your trauma. My body did not betray me, my “caregivers” did. That is my trauma. And what I have in front of me is not dwelling on past trauma, but taking my experience and using it to shape what is before me, to warn and protect other women to the best of my ability. To prevent other assaults if at all possible. While I recognize that some situations like yours are unchangeable and all you can do is put it behind you, I feel that trying to merely “move on” would be a disservice not only to myself, but also to my sisters, my daughter, my friends.
“Don’t let yesterday use up too much of today.” Let it shape you into the empowered, educated, confident woman you can be today and tomorrow and every day after.
Courtney:
There is no reason what so ever for anybody to have a hand inside your body at this point. Dilation means nothing!! Just say no to any VE’s you don’t need them and it just gives interventioist doctors the opportunity to do just this kind of thing.
Thanks for the advice Dee. I also plan on taking my fiance with me for backup this time. My hormones tend to make clam up when I am pregnant. I get shy when I am usually very outspoken to the point of intolerance.
Wow, Peg. I do not even know you and I bear you no ill will, but it is quite obvious that you are angry toward me for some reason I do not understand. I never said our traumas were the same. I was illustrating that it is just as horrible to have your very own body let you down. Not the same as having caregivers let you down, but just as horrible.
The only reason I left that proverb was to reinforce the idea that unresolved PTSD gets you completely stuck in the trauma. This is information I received from my counselor. I agree that advocacy can be empowering. I am an advocate for premature babies. But I also believe that being stuck back in the emotion of the trauma can make your advocacy a crutch. The proverb has meaning to me, because when I was able to let the pain of yesterday go, I was able to move on in advocacy but also to enjoy the experience currently in front of me. The most important job I will EVER have…parenting my son.
Lori, since you and Peg are having this conversation publicly, I thought I would stick my oar in.
Earlier you said:
“By the way, if you were inferring that my experience was somehow less traumatic, I politely disagree. I think it is hard to compare somebody else’s trauma to another’s. Since you did not experience what I did and I did not experience what you did, I think it is fair to say that there is not any valid way to say which of us went through more pain than the other. We dealt with different experiences, both traumatic, related to a birth trauma.”
So, you’re saying that comparisons should not be made, BUT yours was NO LESS traumatic than hers—i.e., you are *comparing* your birth trauma to her birth rape.
And in your last post:
“I was illustrating that it is just as horrible to have your very own body let you down. Not the same as having caregivers let you down, but just as horrible.”
So you know your birth trauma was JUST AS horrible as her birth rape, which you characterize a being “let down” by her caregivers. –i.e. you’re making a comparison at the same time you are downplaying the nature for her horrible experience. LET DOWN?! Get real. This is assault we are talking about.
I guess I see why Peg might be annoyed. You just really don’t seem to get it.
Emily,
You have a right to your opinion, of course. But you obviously don’t get my situation either. I have in no way tried to diminish what Peg or any of the other women have experienced. I have simply tried to share a different perspective on a traumatic birth. She was let down by her caregivers in a “similar” fashion to how I was let down by my body.
Assault is horrible. My best friend has suffered a brutal one. Do you believe my experience and the subsequent terror of my baby struggling for life for weeks was somehow less traumatic? It seems to be what you are saying. “This is assault we are talking about.”
Of course it is. And my experience was life and death. Both horrible. Both needing healing and recovery.
Until you have walked in my shoes and been faced with the death of your child, please refrain from judging me.
Lori,
I’m not addressing your situation by saying it’s assault, I’m addressing the words that you use to describe birth rape: being “let down” by caregivers. That sounds minimizing and patronizing.
Your first post:
“I guess the only reason I might object to the term birth rape would be the connotation it puts on the healthcare providers. While the patient probably feels this way, I highly doubt that the doctors or nurses intended the kind of harm that is clearly intended during a rape.”
So, you say don’t compare, no one can understand what you went through. But *you* make comparisons, and *you* can judge what birth rape victims went through (i.e., they were merely “let down” by those perpetrating the rape. You “highly doubt” the rape was intentional.)
I’m not judging you and your bith trauma. I’m not even addressing your situation. I’m trying to point out to you why your attitude is offensive. Your posts do not offer another perspective on birth trauma. They are judging and qualifying the experience of birth rape.
Emily,
I never intended to downplay birthrape. The trauma there is real. That was not my intent. I was offering the idea that there are some situations in which a healthcare provider is being malicious. But, do you provide room for the idea that there are situations where the woman feels violated but the provider did not have malicious intent. Those two things are not mutually exclusive.
I would have no idea how to judge what birthrape victims go through.
The major comparison I make between our situations is this: They are both birth trauma. They both have last impact. They both took place during what is supposed to be the most joyous situation of a woman’s life.
In your first post to me you, you make veiled comments about my experience being judged by you and seen to be less traumatic. I actually ran this past a group of preemie moms I belong to, and they felt the same.
In my recovery it has been helpful to me to hear about other traumatic things surrounding childbirth. It has helped me to understand that I am not alone. Sometimes when I hear a story, it also helps me to realize that my experience, while horrible, could be worse or different.
I was trying to offer the perspective of having a birth trauma linger and hang on and transform into the worry over a premature baby dying.
I also realize that I am fortunate because my baby survived. I have met many women whose babies have not survived.
I am saying that birth trauma experiences can be horrible. But like any trauma, must be dealt with and must somehow be moved past. Life stalls out when the trauma is not explored in therapy and in some way, shape, or form, a certain peace is made with it.
If you think I am trying to say that Peg or others should not be hurt by this, you completely misunderstand me. Sometimes perspective of others experiences helps us process our own.
Lori,
Once again, I have not judged or even addressed your birth trauma experience.
You said:
“In your first post to me you, you make veiled comments about my experience being judged by you and seen to be less traumatic.”
I wish you had quoted what comments you are referring to. Perhaps when I said:
“So, you’re saying that comparisons should not be made, BUT yours was NO LESS traumatic than hers—i.e., you are *comparing* your birth trauma to her birth rape.”
And later when I wrote:
“So you know your birth trauma was JUST AS horrible as her birth rape, which you characterize a being “let down” by her caregivers. –i.e. you’re making a comparison at the same time you are downplaying the nature for her horrible experience.”
Both of these statements are merely pointing out to you that you were making a comparison, a judgement of the experiences of birth rape being equal in trauma to the trauma you experienced. I was neither affirming or denying your experience. I was pointing out your hypocracy.
Your posts say Don’t judge, don’t compare. And then you proceed to judge and to compare. But don’t own up to it, even when it’s pointed out to you with your own words.
Emily,
I am not judging anybody who has posted about their experience here. I have no doubt whatsoever that each individual had a horrific experience. The fact that you feel you needed to step into a discussion between Peg and I seems to indicate that you are making a comparison as well.
I am not sure if you took the time to read about my birth experience. I don’t necessarily expect you to. But if you did, the fact that you feel the need to continue to attack me speaks very ill of you. Never once did I attack Peg. In fact, I think I was mostly sharing the after effects of a birth trauma. Discussing PTSD and the fallout.
It is quite obvious to me that any opinion that does not line up with yours seems to be entirely unwelcome.
It seems my attempt to discuss the PTSD and how to move past trauma is very upsetting to you, I wish you success in moving past whatever trauma is in your past.
Lori
Lori,
I did not attack you. I didn’t accuse you of attacking Peg. I’ve merely been pointing out your contradictions and judgements, with your own words.
You said:
“Wow, Peg. I do not even know you and I bear you no ill will, but it is quite obvious that you are angry toward me for some reason I do not understand.”
And to me:
“It is quite obvious to me that any opinion that does not line up with yours seems to be entirely unwelcome.”
And:
“It seems my attempt to discuss the PTSD and how to move past trauma is very upsetting to you, I wish you success in moving past whatever trauma is in your past.”
So you know Peg’s emotional state, you know that I’m not ok with *any* opinion not in agreement with my own, and you also know I’m very upset and have suffered trauma. Amazing.
Emily:
It is obviously a waste of time to have a civilized discussion with you about this.
In your post on 2/22 at 7:06 am, you say the following, “Your posts do not offer another perspective on birth trauma.”
Well, what was my experience, then, Emily? Was it joyous? Was it easy? Does it not qualify as trauma?
The point of my posts was really to illustrate that a very traumatic birth experience is possible to recover from. While I may not share the exact traumatic birth, I had one.
Having finally dealt with my PTSD, it is painful to hear about other women suffering from birth related PTSD. I came here to offer an example of my journey through PTSD and to urge anybody not getting help for it to do so.
I refuse to continue a tit for tat discussion with you. As such, I will not be contributing any further.
Peg, if I offended you, it was not my intent. I wish you well.
Lori
Just a point to consider Emily. You said:
“But, do you provide room for the idea that there are situations where the woman feels violated but the provider did not have malicious intent. Those two things are not mutually exclusive.”
Plenty of women have been raped by men without the men realizing that’s what they are doing. Do you think all those date rapes are from men who set out to rape a women? Or that they just only cared about THEIR needs and disregarded what was best for the woman.
Because that’s what is happening with a good many birth rapes. The doctors aren’t intentionally setting out to emotionally and spiritually scar their victims. But that’s exactly what they are doing when they place their own need to adhere to “regulations” and “policy” over the right of a birthing woman to body autonomy. Despite their intentions it is still wrong. Just like men who commit date rape are wrong whether they consider their actions rape or not.
After reading the very first comment I knew it was necessary to post the dictionary definition of the word RAPE.
Understand…….ANY FORCE OF ANYTHING ENTERING A WOMANS VAGINA IS RAPE.
It does not matter if she is in a alley way, it does not matter if she is in a hospital bed. ANYTHING being placed/forced/entering a womans vagina with out her 100% consent is RAPE.
Just the thought alone of “her ideal birth “being taken away from her by a medical professional IS RAPE.
The act of seizing and carrying off by forcing his/her hand or any “tool” into a woman while she is crying/begging/screaming NO, DO NOT DO THAT, STOP, NO!!! (regardless of her reasoning, either it be pain or the fact she just does NOT want anything violating her body) is 100% RAPE. There is no way to work around it. There is no way to justify the act of violating a womans body, REGARDLESS of where she is or her situation. Childbirth is sacred, amazing, beautiful, and every womans rite!!!
For any sOB to take that away from a woman, well, IMO, they should be shot!
rape1 /reɪp/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[reyp] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation noun, verb, raped, rap·ing.
–noun
1. the unlawful compelling of a woman through physical force or duress to have sexual intercourse.
2. any act of sexual intercourse that is forced upon a person.
3. statutory rape.
4. an act of plunder, violent seizure, or abuse; despoliation; violation: the rape of the countryside.
5. Archaic. the act of seizing and carrying off by force.
–verb (used with object)
6. to force to have sexual intercourse.
7. to plunder (a place); despoil.
8. to seize, take, or carry off by force.
–verb (used without object)
9. to commit rape.
“Let down”?
I was held down, lied to, assaulted, had my legs TIED up out of the way. my partner was forced away when he tried to intervene, I had strangers hands shoved in my vagina while I screamed at them to stop , I was injected with drugs they KNEW I reacted badly to because I was shrieking at them NOT to administer.
I do not call it let down. I call it assault, battery, and malicious wounding. I also call it rape. I was raped in the more obvious sense of the word years previously. It never affected me to the extent the birth rape did. That was horrible,but it was not personal, it was about control. Witht the birth rape it WAS personal, they laughed at me, they stole my birth and they violated my child. They also knew exactly what they were doing. They also knew their practices were unecessary. My notes even state this.
I am sorry you suffered an immensely traumatic birth, it ust have been awful. But it does not sound as if you suffered a birthrape. If you had, you would know about it. there is no doubt.
Years of therapy later do not stop the nightmares in our sleep.
Is there anything being done legally about this? I mean are there any malpractice suits going on, or reporting the doctors and trying to get something done in the way of tarnishing their reputation?
I know that doesn’t make the birthrape experience go away, but I mean these doctors have to know that what they are doing is wrong. I swear to God you are all making me want to go into the hospital with a bat and I’m far from even having a child(or deciding whether or not I want a home birth or hospital birth). I don’t want this to happen to me or anyone I know ever.
So what’s being done?
Are any of the the women who shared their story here taking action against your doctors and nurses? Please share with me if you can. I have to know something is being done.
Danielle,
To answer your question… yes and no.
Some women are able to sue, or prosecute, and win. They are able to prove that the doctor/midwife did harm. It does happen.
But, most often, the woman isn’t even aware that what happened to her is WRONG. Most of the time, they think that they did something wrong that made the doctor have to act this way. In that way, it really is the same as rape.
And, it can be very difficult to go after a doctor legally for these things. It’s hard to make a case.
Either way, more attention needs to be aimed at birthrape, because with more publicity we can inform more mothers of what is happening, and bring attention to what doctors are doing (and possibly not realizing the harm they cause).
I am shocked and disgusted by a lot of the experiences I read. I am 31 weeks pregnant and due in May. This is my second pregnancy, as I had a missed miscarriage last January (2007). I am, I guess you can say, middle-class, and was in college at the time- had just recently lost my health insurance, and young. Because no dr. would see me with out insurance I had to apply for medical assistance through the state. I was treated like a child, and a welfare case. Due to the fact that I had a missed miscarriage I had to have a D&E. After the surgery I sat with my mother and fiance in the recovery room and waited several hours to see the doctor and talk about what went on. The nurse finally came in sometime later, told me they “forgot about me”, and gave me a slip of paper that stated I should return to work the next day and had no physical limitations and discharged me. I asked the nurse if I could see the doctor before leaving and she replied, “That isn’t going to be necessary, he is very busy and has better, more important things to do.” With that I left the hospital, devistated (after all I did just lose my baby) and angry with how I was treated. A week after the surgery I was still in excrutiating pain, bleeding buckets, and needless to say hadn’t been able to return to work or class yet. After passing a blood clot the size of a baseball, passing out on the bathroom floor way too weak to even hold my head up my fiance called the dr.’s office. The nurse who answered said what I was experiencing was completely normal and that I should just take some advil. The next day, with absolutely no change, he called the office again. Fed up with being bothered, the nurse connected me to the hospital’s answering service. The doctor got on the phone and as I explained my problems he laughed, told me “see, this is why babies shouldn’t be having babies” (I was 21 at the time!) and then in a very harsh tone told me that if I felt it was absolutely urgent to come to the hospital then he would, unfortunately, HAVE to see me. I was furious, and instead of going to see him I drove home to my parent’s house (over 2 hours away) and went to the hospital there. After being examined the doctor there asked me if I had received any follow-up care or if the other doctor ever gave me an ultrasound after the surgery to see if he completely removed the contents of my uterus. It was obvious that I had not, and after having an ultrasound the doctor discovered that there were still chunks of my dead fetus left inside me. The reason for all of my pain, clotting and bleeding was because I was being poisoned by the remains and could have died if I waited so much as another day! Not only that, but the doctor who did the first surgery, according to the new doctor, must have been so rough that he caused gouging, and scarring to my cervix and uterus. To boot, I was told that due to the trauma I may never be able to get pregnant or carry to term in the future. I had to have yet another D&E to completely remove what the other doctor left behind. Still yet, a month later I was still having problems and upon returning to the hospital once more my uterus was filled with blood clots. It took me three months to completely recover from a miscarriage and D&E that I should have recovered from in a MAXIMUM of three days. When I found out I was pregnant the second time around I was scared to death that it would happen all over again. I am 22 now, and since I don’t qualify for benefits where I work I had to settle for medical assistance again. I can tell that I am treated way different that all of ther other patients who are seen there. On my first visit the doctor asked me if I was taking any birth control when I got pregnant both times and I told him that I was taking the pill and that we used condoms every time just to be sure. He laughed so hard he was tearing up and said “Well, that’s what you get…” Almost every time I go to the doctor I come home and break down into tears. I am even seen sometimes a half hour after my actual appointment time. For instance, one day my appointment was 3:30. Another lady came in at 3:45, and told the nurse she had a 3:45 appointment. That lady, and another lady with a 4:00 appointment were both seen before me- and I even arrived 20 minutes early for my appointment- out of courtesy to them!!! Also, when I’m in the room waiting for the doctor to come in I can hear the nurses/doctor (PLAIN AS DAY) laughing and whispering about me outside. The doctor is in and out, explains nothing to me (as if I am an uneducated child), misplaces my test results, and never satisfy my concerns or questions. On one particular visit I just went in for a glucose testing and asked the nurse if I could please speak with the doctor about something I was concerned about and she said she would see if he had time for me. I heard her tell him that I was probably going to ask him a ridiculous question and if he wanted to talk to me- he said “I’m meeting my wife for lunch in 20 minutes, just tell her I was paged by delivery and that I will see her next week.” I was PISSED! I feel so uncomfortable every time I go in there and only schedule appointments when my fiance is off work- because I refuse to go in there alone. I am scared to death that I will be treated like crap when I go in to have my baby and that something will go horribly wrong again. I am almost positive that come May I will have another horrifying experience to share with all of you here.
We need to get organized, ladies.
We need to band together and TELL THE MEDIA this is happening.
Tell someone.
Write an article for your local paper.
Tell someone else
Call a radio call-in show.
Write to the doctor AND the hospital. And a copy to your local newspaper.
Tell someone else.
And keep telling someone until people listen, or this is never going to end.
Rape victims have to stopped being ashamed and start being angry. Shame keeps us quiet, anger motivates us to make changes.
I am currantly suing my doctor. Here is my story.
I had always been fascinated by birth. I considered pain a small sacrifice for a job well done and the reward - a baby. I found comfort in birth as an experience that bonded me with women - not something I wanted to avoid – but a powerful experience that I just had to have!. I intuitively knew there must be benefits in nature - for both myself and the baby and I personally am wary of synthetic substances and their ability to cause cancer and thus it was my choice to avoid a medical` birth. The lack of open discussion and information made the journey confusing and fearful, yet still appealing. I had expectations of being supported and that birth providers would be compassionate and I assumed that the natural process would be the first port of call.
Well Things don’t always work out how we imagine. Two children later my life like countless women globally was shattered by the experience of birth.
My son was born by C section without the onset of labor under general anesthetic and was kept form me for 24 hours in the nursery not for any medical reason only that it was hospital policy. I spent the night pressing the buzzer and asking for my baby - I was left crushed by the experience I felt as if I had been knocked over the head and something ripped from me – when I first saw my son I looked at him and lay back in the bed thinking I need to go home and come back and do this again – his birth was an out of body experience my brain could not relate the baby to the event. My response to my child shocked me I thought ‘what kind of mother are you’ and thus I dragged myself up with a huge painful gash across my abdomen and began a struggle of bonding and mothering under the exhaustion of an awful depression and post operative recovery - which clung to me for three years. I started to ask questions and I now know that what was presented as an emergency was not a true emergency. My doctor had asked me to go for a sonography when I was three days overdue. Today I know that being overdue is not an indication for the need of a sonography – Gestation is 38 to 42 weeks. I was in a perfectly normal frame work. Beyond 14 days of the due date a physical exam would be sufficient to determine the status and an induction of labor advised.
I now know that sonographies are overused and can be harmful it is not the norm to give them at term without medical justification – being overdue is not a justification. Women will only agree to multiple SCANS if they believe they are safe – they in fact increase the chances of miscarriage or premature labor and some studies are showing they cause behavioral changes such as diminished reflexes and IQ or dyslexia – speech problems – fertility – intelligence – sight –hearing – allergies – susceptibility to infection - …… Sarah Buckley and ultrasound unsound bev.
It is illegal to have more than 2 sonographies in India
I had already had three sonographies in my first pregnancy. During the sonography I was given at term I was told that there was a tight cord around the babies neck. I knew that as many as 50% of babies are born with the cord around the neck and rarely does it result in any problems. A cord around the neck is not an indication of an emergency when there is no evident fetal distress. The risk of cord complication is minimal - Firstly because the cord stretches and no one knows how it will respond in labor and secondly the sonography really can’t tell. Natural onset of labor and monitoring for fetal heart distress should have been the decision. I could have safely gone home and waited for labor. My doctor made me feel terrified - I was told that my baby would die as I slept that night - my husband supported her and I had no one else to turn to I was confused by all the conflicting information and horror stories which she presented to me and fed up – a feeling most women at term have. It is our most vulnerable time of our lives – we are easily manipulated - so I agreed and I was taken directly for a surgery.
I would suggest to any women if a scenario like this is being presented - find an alternate doctor. Similar misleading information about fluid levels, fibroids, High BP , maternal age and many more are being used as manipulative tools to get women to submit to surgeries for the convenience of doctors.
You can imagine how I felt – 80% of urban women today face post natal depression and it is proven that this depression is directly related to the birth experience. Women in fact are at the highest risk of mental disorders after the time of birth - more than at any other time in their life. (AIMS)
In natural birth in the final stages of labour, the mother experiences an immense release of oxytocin, the hormone of love, which physically helps her to give birth. Oxytocin also activates the mammalian “maternal circuit” in her brain, priming her for motherhood and reducing stress as she meets her baby. High levels of beta-endorphin - the body’s natural opiate - activate pleasure and reward circuits in the new mother’s brain. Women who face Medical birth miss these rewards and pleasures. Sarah Buckley.
Unfortunatey most birth educators do not teach us anything about C sections or other medical interventions. They teach what the doctors who they work for want them to teach. This was the case with my birth educator who callously told me after my birth that my doctor does a lot of c sections so why did I choose her – Without information how can we make choices. This is one of the main reasons why I am standing here today.
I learnt that women must find out the hospital policy about C section protocols like babies rooming in, epidural anesthetic rather than general and about their policy of babies going direct to breast from birth before their bath.
. From this birth I also learnt that you need the support of others around you to navigate the system and to be your voice at this vulnerable time. Find a doula, midwife, nurse female relative or friend or commited, birth educated and brave husband who is ready to fight the establishement..
Again for my second child I tried for a natural birth known as VBAC ‘vaginal birth after cesarean’. My doctor supported me in this decision. Considering the increased medical complications to women of having multiple abdominal surgeries or cesareans VBAC is highly recommended and the success rate for VBAC is around 75% and even higher in some birth centers. The success rate is determined by the commitment of the birth attendants to VBAC. VBAC has to be a gentle supported birth. The risk is uterine rupture. (Xerox VBAC).
On my due date my doctor waved her hand over my body and declared that I had a lazy uterus and that my prior C section scar was paper thin and that since the head had not yet engaged I should come the following morning. Firstly the head rarely engages in a second pregnancy until the onset of labor and is not even worth mentioning on the due date. Secondly no doctor is capable of determining the ability of the scar to endure labor without a trial of labor and simply looking at the scar is not a diagnosis and lazy uteruses DON’T EXIST – It was simply my due date. I decided to stay away from my doctor and let labor come when it was ready.
My mother was ten days over due with all her three children - all were born perfectly normally!
My doctor started sending text messages to my husband and to me informing us that I had to come into the hospital immediately because the blood supply to the baby and the uterine fluid levels were diminished and as the baby gets bigger so does the head making birth more difficult. This does happen - but it is a very gradual and not so marked as to cause alarm on the due date and she was not presenting evidence of this occurring or asking to examine to me to determine this – it was simply hearsay. As long as you feel fine and the baby is kicking 42 weeks is a normal gestation period – there is no alarm. I was under so much stress and confused by conflicting information in the space of 5 days I had 2 non stress tests to check the heart rate of the baby and two more sonographies to check umbilical cord blood supply and uterine fluid (I had already had three in the pregnancy). All was well fluid and blood supply perfectly normal.
On my 7th day over due (and a dose of caster oil the night before) I finally went to meet my doctor. I was asked to lie flat on my back for a fetal heart rate test of the baby - alarm bells went off on the machine. I was prepped and rushed to surgery.
I now know that again I was not in a true emergency state. A woman made to lie flat on her back at term goes into tachycardia due to the vena cava nerve being pressed upon. When lying flat on my back I felt as if I was dying - women often vomit when made to do this - when I sat up or lay on my side I felt perfectly fine. Non stress tests should always be done with the women reclining – never flat on her back as it will give a false reading. As for the alarm bells - Flat line periods on the ECG machine set off the alarm bells - the baseline is set by human hands – the bells are a guide not a diagnostic. Additionally babies heart rates fluctuate as they move and when they are sleeping and any anxiety the mother feels effects the baby. – there is a difference between a diagnostic of true fetal distress and anxiety – I had tachycardia because my nerve was pressed upon and I was anxious and dehydrated because of the castor oil. For a proper reading of fetal heart stress the following is required – a continuous graph of a least 15 minutes with a comparison of the mother and the baby. Both are required and one means nothing without the other. If stress is indicated the mother should be asked to go for a walk, go to the toilet, drink something and helped to relax. In addition to the heart rate of mother and baby - The Pulse must be checked, the meconium, the cervix, mother palpitated, vital signs and urine checked. A complete diagnostic is required to determine fetal distress. I was simply told to lie flat on my back alarm bells went off and I was rushed to surgery and my babies was born pink and fine with a great cry THERE WAS no fetal distress –
I had carefully chosen my doctors and hospitals I was in a foreign country it was a huge stress for me to find a good doctor. I took the advice of the embassies and the foreign community – my doctors were in fact heads of departments in some of India’s finest hospitals. (that’s not to say they are all like that).
Despite their accolades - My births were about the doctors needs and not mine. Medical equipment was misused and a language of fear to convince me to do what suited my doctor – I felt betrayed by the people I had put my trust in. I was treated with contempt, disrespect – impatience, humiliated and patronized and worst of all made to feel as if a fabricated emergency cesarean was my fault and that I had put my baby at risk.
I had no idea there were so many sharks and dinosaurs in the birth business. We so want to believe we are in the right hands
The birth of my children felt like violence –.
[...] than those crimes fitting the more accepted definition. More and more women are coming forward and sharing their stories but it’s still a tiny proportion of those who have been assaulted. Even more so than [...]
Thank you for sharing your experiences.
I have attended many births as a doula and I have witnessed birth rape.
We have to talk about this and I hope that the upcoming transparency project and birth survey will help women to do so.
I too feel as if I experienced “Birth Rape”. It was my first baby. I trusted my doctor whole heartedly and found him through word of mouth. I had two close friends who saw this doctor and no complaints. My pregnancy progressed well and I had no complications whatsoever. He seemed very genuine. Well the last appointment I had, just a few days away from my due date, he claimed macrosomia (large baby) and that I had to be induced right away. Later I learned that practioners who suspect macrosomia should send you for an ultrasound. Ultrasounds are not 100% when giving fetal weight but it is a better estimation than belly measurements alone. Well my doctor didn’t. I was admitted on Friday morning at 1 am. I was given cytotec and pitocin. Cytotec is a very scary drug, I later came to find out. Doctors don’t give enough information to patients in order to make an informed consent, especially in regards to medication. This went on for a full 24 hours and I only progressed to 2 cm dialated. I was sent home with muscle relaxers, which i did not take, and told to return on Sunday to do it allover again. The next day was stressful. I should have paid attention to the voice in my head saying something wasn’t right. My body was fighting labor because it was not ready. I have very little family, just my sister and mom, and we are not close at all. I was very much relying on my husband who believed the doctor was doing what was best for our baby. So reluctantly I went back on Sunday for another round of induction. My doctor administered high doses of pitocin and cytotec. He broke my water at 3 cm and stretched my cervix twice without consent. It is extremely painful !!! The contractions were so strong that the time frame felt like days. Six hours later I was pressured to have an epidural. I said no but all the nurses said I was stressing out the baby and would cause it harm so I consented to an epidural. Come to find out they shoudl have checked me before because I was 8 1/2 cm dialated and that is too late for an epidural. I was given so much that I felt like I was suffocating. They would not let the bed bed put in a reclining position. The nurses made me stay flat. I wasn’t able to feel contractions when they told me to push so a nurse got on top of the bed and bore down on my abdomen. They doctor was not even in the room yet. The nurses stopped pushing on my stomach long enough to tell me they could see the head crowning but that they were waitng for the doctor to deliver. It was probably 15 minutes or so until he got there. It was awful. the nurse started pushing on me again. Everything went fuzzy as I was crying hysterically and not feeling like I could breathe. My son was finally born and whisked away immediately to NICU. He came out not breathing. He was in the NICU for 2 weeks after birth, diagnosed as respiratory distress. Then because I was on IV fluids I could not get out of bed until the next day. When I finally for to go to the NICU they told me I could touch my son as stiulating him makes his oxygen levels drop. I got to touch my son for literally 2 seconds on the second day after his birth right before I was sent home. My arms ached for my new baby as I left that hospital. The fear of not knowing what is going to happen is very scary and lonely. My husband was very traumatized as well. I came to later find out that this doctor is notorious for inducing patients because he doesn’t want to split the delivery fees with other doctors in his group. All this happend to me because my doctor was going on vacation that Monday after my son’s birth. I live with so much anger and guilt about this situation. It is almost unbearable at times. To try and make people understand these feelings is almost impossible. So I say use the term “Birth Rape”. It is that serious and life changing.
My thought and prayers to all the other women on the board.
To Dana,
I’m 24 with two children (one almost 6 years and the other 13 months). I know how you feel about being treated like an uneducated child and blown off by the doctor. Have you tried finding a midwife? I know it might be difficult, but do what you can to prevent a birth rape and a primary c-section. It never ceases to disgust me how awful the medical community treats pregnant women — especially younger pregnant women. Just because we’re young doesn’t make us any less deserving of a respectful birth experience.
To all,
I completely agree with Sheila. This has absolutely got to stop. Go public. Write letters to the editor, whatever you can. Join ICAN (you don’t need to have had a c-section to benefit from ICAN). Don’t let these wolves in white coats continue raping women in the name of the almighty dollar. Arm yourselves with as much knowledge as you can possibly can, hire midwives, hire doulas, and stop the medical machine. Raise awareness in your community to the atrocities that happen right under our noses every single day. There’s an epidemic out there, and we absolutely have to rise up and tell them “no more.” There is power in numbers, and we can easily turn the tables on these sadists. We don’t have to accept this treatment, and we shouldn’t have to experience these ordeals that force us into a healing process.
To the poor women who’ve experienced this sick abuse,
I feel for you. My experiences weren’t that severe, although things threatened to turn that way when I was pregnant with my daughter. I was fortunate enough to escape two potential birth rapes, but I still cannot turn a blind eye to what’s been happening to other women. My heart breaks for you, and I promise I will personally do whatever I can to stop this from happening again.
I am absolutely horrified right now. I plan on bringing up birthrape with the BuffaloBirth network and will attempt to make a difference in the birth environment of Western New York. Let’s work together to make birthrape recognized and understood for what it truly is.
(For the record, I have not been a victim of birthrape. Rape, yes, when I was younger. I did have a traumatic first birth ending in a c-section, and I have an incredible amount of empathy for women who are traumatized on any level by what occurs during their births. I am currantly studying to be a doula through DONA and am so thankful for you women for speaking out about the horrors you have endured. Because of you I will never stay silent if I witness birthrape. That is my vow to you all).
Thank you to everyone who shared your stories first of all. Second I am so glad that through some twist of fate my ob was not in town when I had my son. My pregnancy went something like this.
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When I found out I was pregnant my husband and I had been split up for about 2 weeks. I had to get on state medicare and was treated very badly from the start. My medicare gave me a dr and I didnt know any others so I thought I might as well just use him…big mistake. From the first appt he treated me like I was stupid and didnt know what I was talking about. I had had a miscarrage at 17 and knew what happens. I went to the bathroom because I had a sudden pain and when I saw what was happening I just knew. So I took a home test and it was +. I went to the dr and was told that I was still pregnant(I found out later that I miscarried a twin). When I got the state ob I told him about it and he refused to believe me saying that I wasnt educated enough to make that diagnosis. He said “I am the dr and I’m the one who is trained for this, not you or your mommy”(my mother was with me throughout the pregnancy in place of my husband). This was at he 1st appt. and he told me that it wasnt a miscarrage but a period and changed my due date telling me that mine was wrong because based on my *period* I couldnt be that far along. I went along with it thinking that I had never done this and he had, also i thought that if my dates were right we would know when I went into labor before my *due date*. At every visit after this he was rude and unprofessional. He made comments about my mother, not having my husband there, and how i was wrong every time. I was 111 lbs when I got pregnant and he also told me that I would ” require a c-section” because I was too small and I had little hips.
On april 20th I started having contractions about 5 min. apart so I went to the hospital(about 35 to 45 min away) He came in and checked me telling me I was only at a 2cm and I had to go home. Over the next 3 weeks I had contractions the WHOLE time and he said they were braxton hicks so I believed him. But to “ease your mommys mind” as he so professionally put it, he induced me. I ended up being induced 5 times and I had everything going just as it should except that I wouldnt dialate. He always sent me home with a remark that he “told me i wasnt due and I should listen to him”. I also got Pre-E in the end of April(even my face was swollen but he told me it was my fault and I should quit exerting myself-all I did for the last 2 months was lay in bed in pain! My family waited on me and had to help me to the bathroom!
A month later on May 20th he said he was going to have me induced again on the 23rd. I went home thinking not again! On the night before the induction my water broke as I was getting into the shower and we drove to the hospital again. My water had broke an hour before they checked me and I had been having contractions for a month and I still wasnt dialated! Still at a 2. This was at like midnight. At 9:30 in the morning they told me that I would have to think about a c-section. So I wanted to talk to the dr only to find out he wasnt there! He had left to go to a poker game out of state and would be gone for days. So the dr on call came and talked to me. I opted for the epi because after a month I couldnt take the pain anymore so they came and got it ready. They checked me about 2 minutes after I lay down from getting it and I was already at 6cm…in 2 min.!!! They told me they would check again in 10 to see if I was progressing more from the epi and when they came 10 min later they said “push I see a head”! Just like that…2cm to 10cm in about 15 min. So I had my baby vaginaly(after being told I couldnt), I was told that I had problems dialating and if I had had an epi a month ago I would more than likely had him already, and then to top it off they ran tests on him to see if he was early or not and found out he was “AT LEAST 3 WEEKS LATE”!!! We could have both died. That dr was a quack! I was lucky to have a dr on call that listened to me and VERY lucky that my so called “medical dr” was out of town(by the way I think he lost his poker tournament-hope he lost alot) because I dont know what I would have done if I had went through what you all had to. I was very close though and I am so happy that I had a great dr for my next one. Matter of fact my dr for my second was the dr on call that night that ended up delivering my son. I asked for her personaly when I found out about my 2nd. I am using her for my 3rd too and she is wonderful.
I just wanted to let you know what to look for in your pregnancy and not to let your dr get away with it. You or your baby could end up dead from a dr having to be right and We almost did. If your dr wont listen to you or is rude or doesnt care about your personal space then I would get out NOW! Even if you have to go to a different hospital to avoid him on your big day then do it. There is always a dr on call and I would rather have had my son in the car on the way there than have had him with that dr. I am begging you for your safety to find a new one, if you are 3 weeks or 40, just go to someone else. Sorry it was so long but I have been holding this in for over 3 years without telling anyone because I thought I was alone in thinking the dr could be wrong in how I was treated. I still feel abused. Thank you all again for helping me get this out.
P.S. by the way my hubby and I got back together a week after my son was born. My baby saved my marrage, and my life(i had depression and it actually stopped when I had my son…he made me love life again)!
Oh yea, I had to have an epi with my 2nd due to not being able to dialate past a 3 after my water broke and I had her very quickly after the epi too. I guess I just have a broken dialator! lol I am hoping that I dont have to have one this time but I’m not holding my breath. At least I got to have her on time because this dr wasnt a quack like the first one. If you arent comfortable at your appointments then you wont be comfortable with your dr when you give birth.
I hear everyone out there. I don’t know that I felt I was birth raped, but I feel that there was a lot of unnecessary interventions during my birth. My water broke at 1cm and from then on the nurses kept checking me to see if I was progressing, which I read they are not supposed to do. I was in labor for 10 hours and then I went to 4 cm and 100% effaced after they cranked the piticin. My son’s heart rate started to go down when I was contracting, unless I laid on my left side. The doctors acted like I was going to loose him if I didn’t get a C-section. Later, I found out they said I had the C-section due to failure to progress. They didn’t even give me a fighting chance to progress. Also, the doctor said he gave me a T-cut, so I may never have the chance to VBAC. I also found out that my cousin had to lay on her left side because of the babies heart rate and she was slowly progressing too, but she had a natural birth and everything turned out fine. It seemed like my doctors didn’t want to wait through what they thought was going to be a long labor. It was a Friday, go figure!
We do need to get the word out about what is happening in these hospitals. Many of these doctors are taking advantage of women in labor. In my case, I was all drugged up and in so much pain that I just signed away for the C-section. It is horrible that these doctors are taking away something from us that is supposed to be such a natural process! If they could, they would have us all signed up in order for our C-sections!
I have just finished a 19 page complaint form about my hospital birth, complete with physical descriptions of my assailants (the healthScare professionals), and a corroborating statement from my husband. It includes fraud, assault, sexual assault, rape, intentional infliction of emotional distress, false imprisonment, delivery of Stage 2 narcotics to myself & minor child, and multiple assaults on the baby. Yes in those words.
I am terrified of sending it in, but LEGALLY these people are criminals and should be reported and prosecuted. If I don’t send it in, I will wish for the rest of my life that I had. Also, by keeping quiet I become an accessory.
I spoke to 5 different lawyers who all said that they didn’t believe there was enough damage to warrant civil action. I completely disagree, but without representation I have little recourse.
Ladies, it’s incomprehensible to me that these instances are relatively unknown. Most birth sites advocate interventions “when the Dr. advises” but say nothing or next to nothing about the very real dangers associated with interventionist procedures.
It is crazy to me that women and babies are being abused in these ways, at the hands of people who are supposed to be helping them. It is even more crazy that it is occurring as this post is written. Where are the public officials on these issues? Did they forget that we are the ones who elected them? They’re meant to be working for us! “For the good of the masses” and all that.
Violence against women and children is unconscionable, especially during birth. On a large scale, this is domestic terrorism directed at families, and institutionalized trafficking in women and children. And the governments of the world are complicit in these behaviors.
Hello to all you brave women, thank you so much for sharing your stories. Sorry I’m a little late to this thread, I only just came across it as I was looking for stories of birth rape.
My name is Debi, I have just set up a project called MORAG - Medical and Obstetric Rape Awareness Group. The aim of the the project is to raise awareness of the issue of women feeling violated, and even being raped when giving birth, or undergoing any gynaecological procedure, by medical staff. There is a website here (very new as I have just set it up over the weekend!) http://moragproject.wordpress.com/ - where my own story of medical violation can be seen, and I hope that other women will send in their stories for inclusion on the site. I am based in the UK, but the project is international.
I feel so strongly about this issue, and we must keep speaking up about it. That is why I started the project, to raise awareness, and allow women to share their stories. I am also thinking about setting up an email group or similar so that we can discuss the issues, though I am not sure yet - it is very early days.
All I know is we must not be silent - silence kills - we must tell our stories and speak up, and I want to say thank you to every woman on this site who has done that.
If anyone would like their story to appear on the MORAG site, or just wants to contact me, the email address is contact.morag@yahoo.co.uk
Thanks, Debs xx
My God. The horror that has haunted me since the birth of my first child 28 years ago has a name.
Birth Rape.
I never knew what to call it. I have always felt I was sexually assaulted by a medical professional - I knew that I had felt violated, helpless and intimidated by the doctor who delivered my child. The experience left me warped in the way I think and feel about any male doctor, doctor’s appointment or medical procedure. It has made me shudder at even the thought of having gynecological exams ever since. It tortures me with nightmares to this day. I had no idea that there were others who had been similarly violated. It pains me greatly to think that this abuse continues - even with HIPPA laws and patient rights information constantly handed out at every doctor’s office and hospital.
There was no such thing as a “patient bill of rights” when I became pregnant in 1979 at 19. My fiancé and I couldn’t wait to start a family. We were to be married in a couple of months anyway, so we decided to forgo birth control. Almost immediately, I was thrilled to find I was pregnant. Shortly afterwards, my world collapsed around me when my fiancé’s sister called and asked if I realized that he was already married.
That day I found out that not only had he been married for several years, but that he had another child, and that everything he had told me about himself or anything else for that matter was a complete lie. I was devastated.
To this day I have never understood how someone could do such a horrible thing to another person. I’ve been told he was a sociopath and that I shouldn’t blame myself.
He cleaned me out financially. Everything I had was tied up in loans I’d given him and the furniture, rent & security on the house we were to move into. His ruse exposed, my fiancé returned to his family. I couldn’t afford the rent by myself and lost the security deposit. He never repaid me and I wound up broke and on public assistance. Although my prenatal care & delivery were covered by insurance at the job where I had worked when I conceived, once I delivered the coverage ended, and Medicare took over. I thought receiving public assistance was the ultimate humiliation, but my choices were so limited.
Back then, unmarried girls didn’t keep their babies. Everyone – from my best friend to my parents, felt I should have an abortion. But how could I abort a child that had been so planned and wanted - just because his father was a jerk? I seriously thought about adoption but my mother would have none of that! She didn’t want a total stranger raising her grandchild! I never understood why she felt it was OK to kill that same grandchild with an abortion yet not OK to let him be adopted by a loving couple.
They told me no one would ever want to marry me. Had it not been for that life inside of me I probably would have taken my own. I thought about it enough. It surely seemed as though my life was over anyway. It was a very dark time.
I needed a doctor and chose a newer OBGYN practice that everyone recommended. During my 7th month visit, the doctor was very concerned. He called in his partner who checked me over also. They whispered to each other, and to the nurses, but never told me what was going on. I was very frightened by their demeanor. Something was obviously very wrong, but I was too afraid to ask what. For three hours I sat in that office and worried while waiting for them to fit me in for an ultrasound.
Fortunately, it showed all was well – my baby was just in an awkward, stretched-out position that made my uterus seem as though it was much larger than it should have been. I could hear the doctors laughing in the hall. They had thought the poor little unmarried girl was having twins! Wouldn’t that have been amusing?
I was upset by their attitude and wouldn’t go back there. And I stopped wearing the two panty girdles that had kept me from showing. I was lucky my baby wasn’t damaged by my foolishness, but now, with my obviously pregnant belly showing, I was no longer allowed out in public by my parents. They told no one I was pregnant until my 9th month.
My mother took me to her GYN. He never asked me how I came to be in the predicament I was in - never talked to me at all, really - but I knew he didn’t approve. I have always felt he must have been trying to punish me and teach me a lesson - as though I hadn’t learned some hard enough lessons already.
Two weeks before my due date, I came down with a bad ear & throat infection. Two days before my due date, the doctor refused to prescribe anything that would help my horrible cough and told me I wasn’t at all dilated. It would be another two weeks before I was ready. The next day, during a coughing fit, I went into labor.
“Natural childbirth” was the new thing to do back then. Drugs were bad – Lamaze was the way to go. I didn’t know what I was getting into when I went along with that. I had horrible back labor and was in agony all day. My doctor finally came in to check my progress. He sat on the edge of the bed and checked me internally with one hand, while the other rested on my knee – with a lit cigarette between his fingers! I felt the heat from the ashes on my skin. I was shocked, but said nothing as I was in a lot of pain and felt quite intimidated.
Later, when I still wasn’t progressing fast enough he induced labor by having something added to my IV that I never consented to. My contractions became continual – before one stopped the next began, and I was in agony for hours. When he decided to break my water, he didn’t tell me what he was doing or why and he did it during those horrible contractions. It was awful. The nurses held my legs to keep me still. I’d never felt pain like that before.
The worst part though, came when it was finally time for me to deliver. I arrived in the delivery room to find …. an audience. Who were all these people? Why were they there? I never found out. No one answered my questions. I don’t know if they were med students, or residents, or just strangers off the street with nothing better to do, but they were there to observe me during the most vunerable & intimate moment of my life.
During what should have been a very private and even joyful experience – giving birth to my child - I was horribly embarrassed, and utterly humiliated as I was forced to expose my lower body for the amusement and curiosity of a large group of gawkers. I wanted no part of being on display before these strangers but was given no choice in the matter.
And then he cut me – with no warning – without anything to numb me and I jumped and screamed at the top of my lungs. I had no idea anything could hurt so much. Relatives told me they could hear me in the waiting room at the other end of the hall. The doctor swore and yelled at me loudly. I had jumped and the cut hadn’t gone where he had intended. ”I wasn’t numb!” I cried out to him. He told me to shut up. That I shouldn’t have moved because the cut was a mess. He injected some Novocain into it and cut me some more.
My contractions stopped and nothing was happening, but I had to get this over, so I pushed anyway, and gave birth to my beautiful son. There were no more contractions. My doctor jammed his arm inside me up to his elbow with no warning, to retrieve the placenta. Again I jerked away from him in agony. And I thought that it was over.
It wasn’t. My doctor turned to my audience and said to one of them: “You. Stitch her up.” He looked younger than I was – a boy really - with shaggy hair and glasses and the shock on his face was evident. “I’ve never done it before. I don’t know how,” he said. I was incredulous! The episiotomy cut was badly done and needed to be sutured by someone who knew how to repair it properly! This kid admitted he didn’t know what to do, yet the next thing I knew, this total stranger with shaky hands was intently sewing me up – his face only a couple inches from my body and his head against the inside of my thigh. I could feel his breath against me. I never even knew his name.
He did his best, I’m sure - but he was right. He didn’t know what he was doing. I don’t even recall my doctor being there or checking on the job. All I know is that I haven’t had a bowel movement normally in the 28 years since. I have never spoken of this embarrassing problem to a doctor, and only recently discovered online that it is a condition that can be treated with a surgical repair.
The thought of having that private part of me be the center of attention in such a way for a surgery, chills me to the bone. The idea of trusting a doctor not to expose me unnecessarily or allow unskilled students to “practice” on me while I’m unconscious & vulnerable is what my nightmares are made of, and not something I can currently handle. Instead, I will continue to live with the indignity of manually removing my stool.
I’ve often wondered what that group of onlookers thought of the birth that they experienced that day. Did they think it was interesting? A “miracale”? Or did they realize something was wrong and that what went on was a complete violation of my rights - yet watched silently - as intimidated as I?
Would they have stayed if they’d had any idea that I had not consented to their presence there? Did it cross their minds that the frightened unwed girl they observed was a person with feelings whose dignity was destroyed that day by the thoughtlessness of her doctor? Did they realize that what they witnessed was what NOT to do to a patient? How NOT to treat someone? I can only hope.
That doctor is probably long gone and I eventually found a female OBGYN that I didn’t dread seeing. Unfortunately, she retired 4 years ago. I know I need to find a new one. I’ve been having a multitude of serious health issues over the past few months and have had no choice but to see a variety of doctors.
This has brought my old fears and feelings to the forefront and I find myself obsessing about my recent hospitalizations and procedures along with the memories of the pain and indignities that I suffered all those years ago. My nightmares have returned in force. It all might as well have happened yesterday. I know I need help with this.
I hate to tell those of you who have had your experience recently: It doesn’t go away - even after 28 years. Not for me anyway.
I am sorry this is so long. I found this site because I was looking for advice about how to cope with my experience so I can make myself find a new doctor. I never considered that what I have suffered with all these years was a form of post traumatic stress or that others had similar experiences or felt the same way. I hope I can find a counselor locally who treats this sort of thing. I surely need one. Perhaps they can help me find a doctor who will understand and not think I’m a lunatic or being foolish and should be over this by now.
By the way - my parents were wrong. I did find someone who wanted me and has been a good father to my son. We’ve been married for 26 years. : )
Thank you so much for sharing your stories.
It has helped me greatly to tell mine and know I am not alone.