Men in the Delivery Room?
By Danell Swim
April 15, 2008
In the early 1970’s there began a movement of allowing men into the delivery room to be with their wives throughout labor and birth. Somehow, that trend caught on, so that nearly all births are attended by the father of the baby now. But is that a good thing?
Michel Odent, a leading Obstetrician who’s known for being supportive of homebirth, vaginal birth after cesarean (VBAC) and natural birth, recently wrote an interesting piece about men in the delivery room.
For many years, I have not been able to speak openly about my views that the presence of a father in a delivery room is not only unnecessary, but also hinders labour.
He has attended more than 15,000 births over the last 50 years, and says that the fathers presence can cause a longer, more painful delivery for the mother. First, because their stress level transmits to the mother and inhibits the production of oxytocin (needed for an efficient birth), and because they insist on engaging the mother in communication.
Because of this, he believes that the doctrine of men always being in the delivery room should be questioned.
It’s true that throughout history and across cultures, men have largely been denied access to the births of their children. Perhaps there was a reason for that, and it wasn’t simply because of a patriarchal society or a fear of the reproductive system (although let’s face it, that played a part).
I also find it odd that there have been no broad studies examining the outcome of births with the father in attendance. There has been nothing of the length, pain level or satisfaction of the mother if her partner is there throughout the labor. With studies done on everything else under the sun, it surprises me that this hasn’t been published.
After reading this article by Odent, my immediate reaction was “he’s an idiot.” But the more I think about it, the more I wonder whether he is on to something. So I asked my husband his perspective on the birth of our second son, and he said that he was glad to be there, but would have been happy to merely be in the room, but not an active participant. He also said that he was preoccupied with other things that kept going through his mind; everything from how much money this birth will cost, to how hungry he is, to what could go wrong.
My husband described the birth, not as traumatic, but “stressful.” And so I have to wonder if some of that stress was transmitted to me; because after all, I was in labor for 3 days, and we assume that there was something that was inhibiting that labor. How strange it would be if the one person I thought I could not do it without, was the one that was holding me back from letting go.
Odent also says:
At the present time, when birth is more difficult and longer than ever, when more women need drugs or Caesareans, we have to dare to smash the limits of political correctness and ask whether men should really be present at birth.
I completely agree with this sentiment, that we have to examine all aspects of modern birth to come to a conclusion as to our increasing need for intervention. Beginning with the obvious, like who is in the room with the laboring mother, seems as good a place to start as any.
Comments
4 Responses to “Men in the Delivery Room?”
Got something to say?
Hmmm. Interesting. My husband says he *doesn’t* want to be there when our children are born, and I *want* him to be. Perhaps I should rethink this. If he doesn’t want to be there and I insist, would I be causing myself trouble or would he be thankful I insisted in the end? I suppose I should think about this.
I’ll put here what I commented on the original Odent article:
I totally agree with this article, actually. I don’t think men should be banned from the delivery room per se, but I think we should really revisit the idea of labor being “woman’s work.” Women should absolutely have someone with them…but not necessarily men. If a husband wants to be there, okay, but otherwise, women should surround themselves with women, who’ve been there before and who know how to comfort another woman.
What’s fascinating about Dr. Odent’s claims is that I actually believe that there a lot of truth to them. I’ve had 5 babies and my easiest labors were when I was totally alone. I’m a very social, “people” person and love talking and having stimulating conversation with a variety of people about a variety of things. During labor, however, this is totally counterproductive. As a woman with quite a few kids, I’ve gotten into the habit of thinking of how other people feel and trying to make them comfortable, including my husband. It’s what a mother and wife instinctively does. Again, this is totally counterproductive to a smooth, “easy” labor. I have been incredibly fortunate to labor and deliver babies with a fair amount of ease. Although 3 of my births have had epidurals, my most enjoyable (yes, enjoyable!) labors have totally medication free. I was alone both times. I realized that people stimulate me, and this is not good for me or my baby during labor. I’m expecting another baby soon and I’ve thought quite seriously about asking my husband to hang out in the waiting room or cafeteria at the hospital and check on me periodically, but to basically leave me alone during my labor. I definitely want him there for the delivery, but that’s about it. I know it sounds strange, but I’m seriously thinking about discussing this with him. His snoring near me while I’m in labor or reading a book while I’m groaning through each contraction have just plain bugged me in the past. We’ll see. I’d love to hear from other ladies and their husbands about this issue.
Hmm. Personally I couldn’t have done without my husband in labour; at one point, I was panicking if he wasn’t actually touching me. (It was kinda hilarious, looking back: I had my eyes squeezed tight shut, saying ‘Where are you? Where are you?’ It never occurred to me to open them… pushing does some weird things to one’s mental state!). I did find that he occasionally got on my nerves–for some reason he thought it would be comforting to repeat the phrase ‘You’re doing good, kid’ about a hundred times during labour (?!)–and perhaps I expended a little mental energy on reminding myself to be nice to him, after having heard too many ‘My wife screamed obscenities in my face for 22 hours’ birth stories. But still, it was totally worth it. He worked so hard massaging me, heating up wheat packs, supporting me–it was weirdly intimate, and the whole experience brought us closer together. I felt like WE had had our baby, and even told him at one point that he’d worked as hard as I had–which he wisely denied. :p
That said, I know a lot of women do find their husband’s presence distracting. But what tends to get left out of these conversations is: what does the husband want? Sure it’s the wife’s labour, but the baby belongs to the father as well as the mother. Depriving a man of the joy of seeing his child born should not be done without good reason, I think. Sure there are exceptional circumstances–absent or abusive fathers, men who find the whole birth thing icky or scary, whatever–but if a man wants to see his child being born and isn’t going to run amok with the forceps or drip Burger King on the placenta, I think the labouring woman should make every effort to accommodate that request. They created the child together, and as much of a women’s club as pregnancy and birth tend to be (fathers-aren’t-allowed baby showers, anyone?), a man should be able to see his child being *delivered*, at the very least.